This Just In O’Billary In: McCain Out


In a brilliant move, Barack Obama has selected dominatrix Hillary Clinton to be his sparring partner, -er, running mate in the upcoming contest for President. The formidable duo, reminiscent of such awesome teams as Batman and Robin, Starsky and Hutch and Peaches and Herb have set an agenda to rapidly take all the remaining votes-the twelve remaining votes- believed to be firmly in McCain’s camp. Plus the vote for Ralph Nader.

THIS JUST IN:
McCain has stepped down from the Presidential contest. 
The presumptive nominee has folded his lobbyist filled tent and scurried quietly into the night. In additional startling news, the scattered vestiges of the Republican party have already groomed several replacement candidates for the now truncated campaign, including Bo Derek or Drew Carey as VeePee choices and either new NRA spokesidiot Ted Nugent or the animated corpse of Charlton Heston as the Man In Charge. Rupert Murdoch refused a draft pick, stating that changing the law to include foreign-born despots would take more weeks than even his fortune could muster. The Democratic Party has pledged to return all remaining election donations and urged the electorate to “Party Like It’s 1999”.
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