Options? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Options

Well, hellya it’s true: We have run out of options. Iraq, the economy, Iran, gas prices, the drug war, global warming, accelerator black holes, you name it. I already did, but I’m certain you can add to this list…Here’s a few options we REALLY, REALLY do not have:

John McCain as President of these United States.

Once we get past the sad chapter of Vietnam, what do we have? A foul-mouthed egotist who calls his wife a c*nt and is surrounded by sycophantic lobbyists running the show from theShitT alkin’ Express. Ewww, this is a step down on the class meter from the current thug in office. Need I mention the Hundred Years War Pt. II? 
Another non-option: Troops out now. 
That country is falling apart. It’s time to get Obama in office, get him to hunker down with the Turks and cobble together a free Kurdistan (and leave Cyprus, while we’re at it) and let the cards fall where they may in the rest of the artificially created colonial country of Iraq. Separate the Sunnis and Shia, ’cause they will fight ’til Doomsday, which they just may cause. Five years too late, the Islamic community has stepped forward to denounce violence. Five years too late, they have begun to worry about their perception in the world. Five years too late, they are loosening the death grip on women in the autocracy of Saudi Arabia. Five years too late.
Another non-option: Economic Rebound. 
Obama will have his work cut out for him: facts remain, we are the most avaricious and wasteful society of all time, an Easter Island society on a grand scale, numbingly destroying all our resources in obscene quantity, hastening our own destruction. Incredibly, we are still using the internal combustion engine in the 21st Century. It was inconceivable to forward thinking 20th Century intelligentsia that we would be stuck in a progress hole, dissipating all our creative energies on video games and internet porn. 
Oh, yes, and then there’s the non-option of capturing our reputation again worldwide.
Our culture on rapid decline, an unjustly angry populace who humiliated France, our best ally in history, and eight years of tyranny by an unjust dictatorial puppet laboring under a scarily powerful- and possibly insane Vice President–a man who calls his comrades “fuckers” on the floor of Congress–have led to an inexorable decline of our civilisation. Can Barack Obama bring back the luster and shine of our Republic? Is it too late? Were we always really just imperialist Spartans or genuinely beneficent world leaders?  Of all the terrible issues facing us today, this one may be winnable. Barack, the man, needs to come Obama the Supermensch to make this right. He is not an option, he is, in fact our Last, Great Hope for a chance for humankind.

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